Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
farters have to be the big spoon...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
