The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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