the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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