"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
