4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to stop coming to work sober
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
