I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you win again, gameday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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