I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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