If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
