You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
