man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
