shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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