he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
