separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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