We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
