Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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