Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
