He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
