i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
