wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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