the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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