WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
