should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
