I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
