Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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