all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
