whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
