he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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