1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
