I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
