So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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