Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
