I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
