Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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