I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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