I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
