I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
