whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
