I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
God, I missed his penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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