am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
