My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
