You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
