everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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