I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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