I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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