How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
