I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
