WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
