I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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