Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
