so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
