oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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